Welcome and thank you for joining me under my maple tree.

I haven’t been here for a very long time. Over a year has passed since I have visited my maple tree and shared a story. A lot has happened and I feel I am finally ready to take on some creative projects of my own again.

Today, as the title might suggest, is my birthday. 41 it is! I have just come home from my parents’ place, where we were all set to celebrate with a really nice lunch, beautiful cake and boardgames and watching films. Unfortunately, my stomach today has other plans and I’m feeling quite sick since last night. I don’t know how or where I have catched a stomach bug, but here it is. I don’t want my sister and my parents to get poorly too – so I decided I would go back home after the amazing lunch my parents have prepared, which I sadly couldn’t keep in. After making some tea and making sure I have everything I need within reach – I am now resting and finding some time to reflect, process and even dream a little bit.

I don’t understand why yet, but these past two weeks – since the last full moon, I feel different. 41 feels different. And I don’t say this because I have an upset stomach and feel terribly off today. Something has been shifting. Something is in the air and energy around me that feels different – but also not so much. It feels a lot like remembering. I remember a lot more things about my childhood recently and find myself day dreaming away and thinking about a lot of things that I haven’t remembered in a very long time.

Don’t get me wrong – A LOT has changed over the past few years. But this still feels different. Maybe I’m finally healing and being guided into the right direction? For the longest time, I felt stuck within myself. Lost, numb and helpless. Especially last year. I didn’t show it to anyone really – started hiding my feelings, myself, bottling everything up – but we can only hold up a mask for so long. I was overwhelmed. Last December I have started to let the pain out that has accumulated over the years. Strangely more pain added to it… I felt my soul tearing apart. I was exhausted – physically and mentally. That’s what I mean by this feeling different. A few weeks ago it stopped hurting. I stopped hurting!

I feel calmer and lighter. My heart isn’t blocked and heavy anymore, but open and hopeful. I feel joy returning into my life. New sparks of curiosity and trust – letting magic back into my life. Starting new rituals. Taking care of myself in a way that I haven’t done in a long while. I’m understanding that I can’t be there for others and spread love into this world, when I don’t take care of myself first.

A lot of people in your life will say that they love you. But do they truly? You’ll know by the way their energy feels – and how you feel when you are around and with them. How much you care for each other. How much you grow together. How safe they make you feel to be completely yourself. Knowing who these people are can do so much for your healing.

I still have a few hurdles to overcome in the next few months – but I don’t panic anymore thinking about it. I work on it and try to make my life better – in every aspect – so I can help make other people’s lives better too. I have so many ideas in my head at the moment that I have to keep notebooks and my journal around at all times. It’s exciting to feel my own magic again.

I’m sad I couldn’t stay and spend the day with my family today. But today I am resting and taking care of my body – making more tea, taking all the vitamins, drinking my kombucha, do a few slow admin things and maybe read a book later.

Until next time,

Kath